Gay, Lesbian & Bisexual Concerns

“Something we were withholding made us weak, until we found out that it was ourselves.”

– Robert Frost

Are you gay, lesbian or bisexual (GLB)? Perhaps you’re trying to come to terms with your orientation or you’ve come to terms, and are trying to find a trustworthy and compassionate provider who understands the experiences of non-heterosexual people. If so, you’ve come to the right provider!

World and American history have been hostile to gay, bisexual and lesbian individuals. Indeed, there’s an unfortunate legacy of family and community: disgust, aggression, and shunning related to non-heterosexual identities. Is it then any wonder that GLB individuals experience higher rates of: poverty, physical health problems, depression, anxiety, trauma, substance abuse, and even suicide when compared with their heterosexual peers? Non-heterosexual individuals face a wide array of what is termed “minority stressors” which can range from less overt negativity, such as a general lack of acknowledgment and ignorance, to overt physical violence and even murder, in the most severe cases. Additionally, even when family and community reactions can be seemingly neutral or positive, often authority figures (i.e., family and community elders, teachers & supervisors, religious clergy, doctors, etc.) lack important knowledge of the lived experience of this population. Thus, it makes sense that non-heterosexual individuals seek counseling services at a higher rate than heterosexual individuals, out of necessity to cope with inadequate family and/or community support.

Examples of common issues which can be specific to gay, lesbian, and bisexual individuals include:

CLARIFYING IDENTITY

Many gay, lesbian and bisexual individuals begin their development in a state of confusion. They may not fully understand conflicting expectations and romantic and sexual feelings they are experiencing, or if they understand the feelings, they may not understand how to cope with prejudice and discrimination. In addition, many cultures are inundated with false information about sexuality and GLB experiences. Furthermore, there can be a significant lacking of role-modeling related to being a healthy and self-accepting non-heterosexual person. Individuals may need fully-accepting support while they explore difficult thoughts and feelings around their sexuality and minority stressors, through structured reflection and the review of science-based information.

"COMING OUT"

Being gay, lesbian or bisexual are not just sexual identities, but political ones. Identifying as any of these identities means that you will be treated in specific ways by individual members of your individual community and the community at-large. Because of this, GLB individuals may wrestle with whether or not they should disclose their sexual identity, when they should disclose their identity, and to whom. Furthermore, if individuals decide to “come out”, this is a lifelong process as each new social encounter may necessitate additional considerations regarding issues of protection and disclosure. Finally, individuals may experience pressure and receive conflicting messages from others in their lives to stay “closeted” or to “come out”, further fueling confusion about how to proceed.

ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS / SEXUALITY

Gay, lesbian or bisexual individuals comprise only about 3 to 6% of the population and non-heterosexual orientations have been stigmatized. In addition, government-recognized marriage for same-sex attracted individuals is a recent phenomenon. The result is that much of the marriage, couples, and family therapy research is based on heterosexual individuals and their relationships. This often means that even amongst professionals (i.e., mental health providers) there can be a lack of information in regards to what constitutes “normal” relationships and behavior for non-heterosexual individuals. This can include a lack of positive role-modeling for managing love relationships and sexuality for this population.

In addition, many GLB individuals, like their heterosexual peers, have a desire for children, yet reproductive capabilities and options can be significantly compromised, leading to additional stress and strain in regards to becoming parents. Sometimes the possibility of children becomes unachievable and this can lead to issues related to grief, loss and purpose.

MINORITY STRESS

Lesbian, gay and bisexual individuals face the same difficulties that everyone else faces (e.g., working to be financially successful and independent, finding and keeping love, maintaining positive family and friend relationships, experiencing physical decline/aging/health problems), with additional pressures. Psychological researchers have coined these additional pressures to be “minority stress”. Minority stress is the collection of consistent experiences minorities face which communicate prejudice, and/or result in discrimination. Examples of this may range from turning on the news and being informed about the latest hate crime, or legislation crafted to take away civil liberties and basic protections for GLB individuals; to consistently fearing that if the next coworker, client, or supervisor learns about your orientation it will result in termination of employment (as if just worrying about your job duties and performance weren’t enough); to expectations one attends a celebratory family religious event, hosted by a religion which is hostile to non-heterosexual people (i.e., Do you risk being perceived as unsupportive and protect yourself from potential harm and degradation? Or do you submit yourself to potential harm and degradation, but be perceived as conforming and supportive of the family culture?). Situations like these occur on a daily basis for the GLB population, and the collection of these additional stressors add up to create an imbalanced and significant burden on the mental and physical health and well-being of gay, lesbian and bisexual people.

RELIGION & SPIRITUALITY

Many religions are traditionally negative towards gay, lesbian and bisexual individuals. Consequently, non-heterosexual individuals are frequently, uniquely and unfairly forced into the false choice of choosing between being a religious/spiritual person or a sexual one. And yet humans are both. Most, if not all, of us want and need to express our sexuality for healthy functioning and seek to create meaning out of our experiences, while securing a collective and supportive tribal community. The pressures of GLB individuals being forced into a false and dichotomous choice between aspects of themselves can create a tremendous amount of emotional distress, alienation, identity confusion, and pain.

FAMILY OF ORIGIN ISSUES

One of the biggest and most stressful experiences for a GLB individual is facing family in an authentic manner. Unfortunately, it’s an all-too common occurrence for families to demonstrate overt rejecting behaviors to their GLB children and, in effect, emotionally abuse GLB family members. In addition, family members who do not overtly reject the family member, may cope with the situation through avoidance and denial which serves to neglect the GLB family member. These can all add up to create mental, emotional and relationship difficulties (associated around security, trust, and attachment), that if left unaddressed, may persist across the lifespan.

INCREASED & COLLECTIVE TRAUMA

Because of all the difficulties stated above, many gay, lesbian and bisexual individuals are walking around in the world carrying a tremendous amount of hurt. This can play out into daily life and relationships, and accumulative and collective hurt can bleed out into the relationships GLB individuals have with each other. Thus, in order to strengthen ourselves and the general GLB community, it can be of imperative importance to identify how one has been injured by growing up in a world that has commonly been aggressive towards non-heterosexual people. By doing so we can ensure that we don’t re-enact generational cycles of harmful thinking, relating, and behavior.

Are you experiencing any of the above symptoms?

Do you relate to any of these? If so, you’re not alone. These are common to being gay, lesbian or bisexual, and there are different strategies and therapeutic approaches that can reduce the suffering associated with the prejudice, discrimination and general neglect & abuse experienced by this population. Contact me today for a free 15 min. consultation about your goals and concerns related to this and how we can positively face these difficulties together!